life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
