Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
