So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize