put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
