it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my being single is dangerous.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
