Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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