That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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