if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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