My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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