three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
