Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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