After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
