talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
