went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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