So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
