someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
