i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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