the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
