So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
