I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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