i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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