She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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