You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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