No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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