she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
