i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
