He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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