i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
