I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
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It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
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I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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