I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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