i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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