Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
