Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You made out with two different species that night
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
