did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
