goodnight i made you a song goodbye
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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