i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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