paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
