Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
