When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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