I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Someone signed my nipple.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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