sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
