we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
