So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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