All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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