I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
