I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
