Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
