when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
