My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
