Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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