I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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