I don't remember. Are we still dating?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
