Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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