Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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