I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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