He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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