i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize