i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
