If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
