i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
