honey bunches of taint.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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