How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
