I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Someone came in the potted fern
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
