Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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