apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he was CRYING into my vagina
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
