i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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