I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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