I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
